Awareness about the terrible experiences and impacts of domestic and family violence is growing, and Catholic parishes in Melbourne are taking up the challenge of addressing violence in our communities by asking ‘what can we do’? During the 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-based Violence in 2024 (25 November-10 December), St Thomas the Apostle Parish in Blackburn incorporated prayers, practical actions and activities about building respectful communities into masses held during this period. Similarly, on Saturday 15 March 2025, over 50 people gathered in a hall at St Brigid’s Primary School, Mordialloc to attend a Domestic & Family Violence Forum organised by the Justice Action Group (JAG) at St Mary of the Cross Parish, Mordialloc and Aspendale.
The conversation was led by a panel of experts and local service providers which included: Jocelyn Bignold (CEO, McAuley), Nadine Gadd (Program Lead, Family Violence Program, Better Health Network), Candice Weir (Family Practice and Program Development Specialist, Family Life), Dr Karina Chaves (Paediatrician) and Fr Andrew Jekot (Parish priest). The panel was ably facilitated by Kit McMahon (CEO, Women’s Health in the South East) who drew on the particular expertise of each of the panelists and formulated questions with input from forum participants.
Kit introduced the discussion by reminding those gathered that they are not alone in this conversation, with the UN Commission on the Status of Women currently meeting in New York with a focus on preventing family violence.
The importance of a human response
A key discussion point of the panel was addressing how services and communities can respond to domestic and family violence. Several of the panelists focused on the importance of providing care and support in a considered and kind way. At a service-provision level, Jocelyn shared: ‘We often think in a linear way: a woman needs a safe place, then health support, then support for children, and the next thing is financial support. We assume that these supports will be available when they are needed, but this is incorrect… We are working to change the system, so the system wraps around the family, rather than the family negotiating the system.’
Karina spoke about the importance of having space to hear the voice and truly listen to the person who has experienced family violence – ‘It is important to show in your humanness that that person is worthy…Our message needs to be: we are all connected and you are important and this service is here for you.’
Similarly, Candice emphasised the importance of human connection –
Creating a space for connections for all members of the family is vital – humanity is the most important thing… This creates space to look at what is really going on. Creating a safe space, free of judgement, shaming and guilt – we need to promote help-seeking behaviours. For too long, [violence] has happened in silence behind closed doors.
Fr Andrew reiterated the importance of connection, particularly within a community like a parish:
‘A community that gathers often provides an opportunity for knowing the other. We can nurture getting to know each other. Isolation is a big issue. We want people to have a place where they can reach out.’
Jocelyn provided some important information about responding to disclosures by a victim survivor of family violence:
‘The first contact with victim survivors is really important – they need to be believed and what they share needs to be kept in confidence, particularly in a parish community environment when knowing both parties can be difficult. It is always important to treat people with dignity and respect. Get advice yourself about how to best reach out’. Jocelyn suggested that 1800RESPECT (24/7 phone line – 1800 737 732) is a good resource both for those experiencing violence but also for those seeking guidance of how to support someone else – ‘know how to refer and where to get assistance.’
In responding to disclosures from a perpetrator of violence, Candice offered the following advice:
Safety is paramount – both for the person in front of you and the family unit. Think about how to create space for a man to share what he needs to. No one sets out to have a life of using violence. We need to manage both safety and personal responsibility. Something I commonly hear from men who use violence is I don’t know how to manage any other way. In my experience, it is never a one off, there is usually a pattern of behaviour.
Nadine reiterated the importance of creating an opportunity for a person to share – ‘Listen without judgement. Don’t assume anything. Ask: what can I do? How can I assist? Talk about the behaviour, not the person. Know referral pathways.’
When a family has experienced violence, Karina spoke about the importance of supporting parents to model respectful relationships: ‘It’s important to validate parents so they can see their child, so children can learn about loving relationships with caregivers – what it means to have trusting relationships, not dominating, but respecting.’
Support for all
As the conversation progressed, the importance of supporting all members of a family where violence is experienced became a focus of the discussion. Candice Weir shared about the services offered at Family Life:
We are developing new programs that work with adults using violence as well as working with the whole family unit… We could put all our time into supporting women and children, but if we don’t get to the root of the causes of violence we are not going to get anywhere… We need holistic wrap-around support for all members of a family, with an individualised approach.
Nadine also emphasised the need to support those who use violence: ‘Unless you work with people who perpetrate violence, nothing will change… Men might have had a lifetime of using violence but they want to be better dads and partners… I know people can change, that’s why I do this work’.
Fr Andrew spoke about recognising that people work within wider systems and the importance of understanding the complexity of the whole person. He also highlighted the importance of dispelling myths, particularly in Catholic communities, and ensuring we are focused on gospel values and having a true understanding of love and respect. He emphasised the need to call out violence and not hide behind faith in justifying violent actions.
Jocelyn spoke about her involvement in supporting work in various Catholic Dioceses, including in Sale and Ballarat – ‘I’m seeing how parishes are doing this work, and I commend the courage of this parish in having these conversations and taking action’.
Take-away messages
In reflecting on the panel discussion and the question ‘what can we do’, Kit highlighted some key take-aways:
- The importance of listening non-judgmentally, believing what we are told, seeing the whole person and knowing where to refer
- The role of community connectedness in responding to and preventing violence – it is a collective effort
The St Mary of the Cross Parish Justice Action Group concluded the event by noting that the forum is just the beginning of their focus on preventing family violence and invited those gathered to make suggestions for future activities and action that the community can take.
If other parishes are inspired to take similar action, please get in touch with the Catholic Social Services Victoria office – office@css.org.au.
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